Strike A Violent Pose
by omgsam
Summary: When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. When life hands you an organization of professional killers you ... unfortunately, there isn't an uplifting cliche regarding that situation. Levi can only imagine you're not supposed to house them or accidentally introduce them to your best friend, let alone get to know them - but hey, at least they aren't killing people. AkatsukixOC


**this is a rewrite. **this time i'll be focusing more on levi's and hailey's friendship (or lack thereof) with the akatsuki instead of a loving shitshow like it was last time. hailey was basically a mary-sue in my last story, everyone was ooc, the plot was cliched, and it was just bad. this time it'll be better, but it's no longer a comedy. there will still be a romantic sense to the story, but that won't rear it's head until later. for now, it's gonna be just a lot of awkward situations, angst filled friendships/etc. enjoy!

**disclaimer:** i don't own naruto.

* * *

Levi always considered himself to be a practical kid. He knew Santa wasn't real from the get go, (please, an overweight man flying around the globe in less than 24 hours? yeah, right) openly laughed when his mother told him about the Tooth Fairy, and rolled his eyes at his friends who believe in the "Boogie Man." It was at the moment his mother deemed him a lost cause and promptly introduced him to giant novels about politics and television shows about science.

But Levi had a weak spot, as do all things, and it was anime. Specifically; Naruto. He watched every episode, owned every movie, read the fanfiction, and even wrote a little of his own.

To this day Levi won't talk about the, er, _disastrous_ events that plagued him that summer. Well, they plagued him _and_ his best friend (but mostly him because they showed up in _his_ backyard, proceeded to _break_ everything, and had the gall to just _stay_.) It wasn't like there was any one he could talk to, but he was still bitter about the ordeal.

It was a regular Tuesday night. Well, it started out regular at least. There he was, on the couch, mindlessly studying for finals, when this piercing noise rang through his head. It was a cross between someone ripping paper and that ringing you hear after listening to really loud music. He had to clap his hands over his ears before stumbling to the window to see what exactly was causing the noise, when he saw _them_.

The freaking Akatsuki.

All of them, in his backyard, just _there_. They were in his trees, in his bushes, and stepping on his mother's flowers. All he could do was gape at them.

First thing was first, outright denial. There was no way. He read a bad fic about it once. There was no freaking way it was really them. Cosplayers, probably.

Who decided to have an impromptu meeting in his backyard.

Levi dialed 911 from the phone in his living room after deciding he was too tired to actually deal with this.

"911, what's your emergency?"

He turned once more to look out his window to make sure they were really there and almost dropped the phone.

The black and white one, _Zetsu, _was currently _rising from the ground like it was normal_.

Rising.

From the freaking ground.

"Hello?"

Oh god, oh god, _oh god. _They were real. How else could he have done that? They were freaking real and he had 911 on the phone _and they were freaking real._

He laughed nervously into the phone and tried to steady his shaking hands.

"Yeah, um, sorry about that! I accidentally dialed you I guess, um, my bad."

After a few more seconds of questioning, Levi hung up and phone. If the police had come here, well, they would probably try to arrest the trespassers which would end in bloodshed, which would end n some kind of statewide crisis that could easily turn countrywide and oh god, Levi was going to have a panic attack. He steadied himself against the couch and told himself to _breathe_.

Levi watched helplessly as a fight broke out between two of the S-class criminals and was quickly ended by a third.

Oh god, he had to do something before they took out the neighborhood.

The rest of that traumatic night was somewhat of a blur.

Levi remembers almost puking from how petrified he was. He remembers going to his back door that connected his living room to his patio and opening it, shaking from head to toe. He remembers being kicked into the back of his house (thanks, Hidan) and he remembers the sudden rush of relief and panic when Pein said they would be staying until they found their way back.

Relief - because they weren't going to go on a massive killing spree and take over the world. Panic - because holy freaking hell the _Akatsuki _were staying in his backyard.

The freaking Akatsuki was going to live with him.

Oh god.

* * *

Monday's sucked. School sucked. Homework sucked. That was why Hailey found herself staring at the back of her best friend's head. Every one was taking advantage of their free time, except him (and her, she supposed, since she had a ton of calculus homework she should have been doing but, y'know, whatever.)

He looked, to be frank, like hell. He had huge bags under his eyes, was constantly shaking, and jumped every time his phone went off. He had been like this since last Wednesday. Tapping her mechanical pencil to her cheek, she decided enough was enough, and promptly pulled her chair up so she was sitting next to him. A few people looked up at the disturbance, but most just kept whispering to one another and doing their work.

"Dude."

Levi glanced at her and narrowed his eyes.

"What?"

"You look like shit. What's up? You okay?"

Levi sighed and fell back in his seat, looking grumpy and tired.

"Nothing, and yes."

"Liar."

Levi rolled his eyes and Hailey rolled hers right back. After a tense silence, the bell rang and Levi grabbed his bag and notebook before taking off towards the door. Cursing, Hailey pushed her chair back to her desk, grabbed her bag, and took off after him.

She ran to his locker, only to see him making his way down the stairs on the other side of the hallway. Sighing, she took off after him, pushing a couple of students out of her way. She flew down the stairs, jogged past the main office, and opened the doors to the parking lot. Hailey groaned when she saw the back of Levi's car leaving the parking lot, and rubbed her face.

Dammit.

* * *

Levi was trying to concentrate on his World History essay. He had the first two pages done, single spaced, and needed one more before he double spaced it and made it the assigned length. He was trying very hard, but it was nearly impossible.

"Whatcha doin' there, kid?"

Levi nearly jumped out of his seat and tried to calm himself. _Breathe_, he thought, _they're not gonna kill you_.

"Writing a, uh, essay." Swallowing nervously, the boy peeked over the top of his laptop screen to look at the grinning man sitting in front of him. Kisame had come in and sat down across from him fifteen minutes ago and Levi hadn't typed a single word since.

"On what?"

"World War II." Levi cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"A world war, huh?" Kisame gave the kid another look before sitting back in his chair, "Hm."

"Y-yeah."

Levi, after deeming it was safe to continue working (or rather, stare at his screen and pray to God he wasn't killed,) diverted his attention back to his homework.

Kisame watched the kid for a moment before getting up to grab an apple from a bowl on top of the fridge. After grabbing one, he cleaned it off on the shirt he was wearing, and sat back down. Smirking, he pulled a kunai from his pocket and began to peel it.

Seeing that Kisame had pulled out one of his weapons from the corner of his eye, Levi froze and begin to panic.

"_Relax_, kid. Just peelin' an apple."

The red skin fell onto the round table in little slivers and Levi told himself to _breathe_. Again. The was a silence, save for the sounds of Kisame peeling, before the tall man spoke again.

"What was the war about?"

Levi glanced back up and blinked. He struggled for a moment, finding it strange that Kisame was asking, before opening his mouth.

"Uh, well, Hitler was trying to-"

"Who?"

Levi attempted to hold back his shock over the fact that Kisame was actually _conversing_ with him and opted to just run his hand through his hair.

"He was an intelligent dictator, hellbent on taking over the world I guess, and killing anyone who didn't fit his 'perfect image'"

Levi surrounded the last two words with air quotes and Kisame simply nodded.

"I'm assuming he lost."

The tall man popped a piece of the apple into his mouth and Levi nodded.

"That's too bad. Sounded like my kind of guy."

Levi snorted and muttered "I bet," before realizing just exactly who he was talking too. Risking a peek at the infamous criminal, he was slightly relieved and surprised when the man was grinning back at him. Did - did Kisame just make a _joke_? Shaking his head, Levi went back to his homework and was grateful for the silence that followed as Kisame continued to carve into his apple with his kunai.

* * *

**a/n: **ummm, not much to say here actually. hoped you guys liked it. catch you on the flippity flip.


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